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Published June 24, 2025

In Lieu of Flowers

As an abuse survivor with no living parent, I'm haunted by a question that can never be answered.
Hand lettered words: In Lieu of Flowers, with drawings of flowers along the edges of the panelA drawing of a hand drawing and a drawing of a small snapshot photo of people. The text reads: I don't know what got me started. I was drawing from an old family photo. The next thing I knew I was nose deep online, searching for long lost relatives of my stepdad.A drawing of a light-skinned woman with 2 straight ponytails and round glasses, Kayte, typing on a laptop. The text reads: I told myself it was research for my memoir.A sparse drawing of a small, plain, single story house. The text reads: My stepdad, Duke, sexually Abused me for seven years. It started when I was eleven years oldThe back of Kayte's head at a drafting table. The text reads: That's what my memoir is about.A drawing of the shape of the state of Indiana with these cities identified: Indianapolis, Mooresville, Martinsville, Bloomington. The text reads: I get curious about Duke's family from time to time...in part, because the whole family is from Indiana where I now live. Some of these people could live just a few towns away from me.A drawing of a light-skinned woman with 2 straight ponytails and round glasses, tapping another white woman on the shoulder in a store with a shopping cart. Speech bubble, “aren’t you Duke’s kid?” Text reads: we could almost run into each other at walmart.Katye with 2 straight ponytails and round glasses, typing on a laptop. The text reads: That day, I managed to locate a couple of his daughters on facebook. Inside thought bubbles, ”why does it matter To me what his grown children are up to? What am I gonna do...call them?”Kayte typing on a laptop. Speech bubbles, “Wait, is that a MAGA hat? Sigh, this is pointless.”A drawing of close-up of eyes in the round glasses, looking worried. The text reads: but I discovered something else in my search.The text reads: I found Duke's obituary from 2002. A photocopy of a newspaper obituary clipping. It reads, “to 8:30 pm in the funeral home. The family has requested that in lieu of flowers, donations be made to the Regional Girls Shelter, 2740 E. Pythian, Springfield, MO 65803, or the Family Violence Center, 519 E. Cherry, Springfield, MO 65806, or the charity of your choice. Duke’s personality and hu [gets cut off]”Kayte's glasses, no eyes visible, mouth gaping open, with speech bubbles that include the enlarged text from the obituary, highlighting “girls shelter” and “family violence center.”Kayte thinks, “Norma. I bet it was Norma.”A drawing of part of a coffin with a spray of flowers on top. The text reads: The abuse stopped when I was 18. That’s the year my mom died. [The color of the drawings has changed from brown to blue.]A rose with petals falling off of it. The text reads: Her death allowed me to break ties with Duke completely.the underside view of a bridal bouquet. The text reads: within a year, Duke remarried...a woman named NormaText reads: I went to therapy. I read "The Courage To Heal." at the urging of a good friend, I decided to file a police report. A drawing of two light skinned women kneeling, one with arms on the other. Speech bubble, “do you want me to go with you?” another speech bubble, “no, I’m okay.” Simple flower wallpaper in the background.A cop behind a desk talks to 21-year-old Kayte. Speech bubble says, “Do you have any diaries or datebooks? Anything that could point to a specific incident?” Another speech bubble, “I have journals…”Two panels side by side, one panel is a close up of hands gripping each other another panel is the young woman looking down, speech bubble says, “But I never wrote about that.”two panels side by side, one panel is the face of the light-skinned young woman with straight, shoulder-length hair saying, “ I have nothing.” second panel is just the woman’s face, eyes looking down.The cop at desk says, “well if anything turns up let us know, or if you think of any witnesses…”Side view of the light-skinned young woman with straight, shoulder-length hair sitting, looking blankly into a space with scratchy fragmented marks.Figure of young woman exiting The Springfield Police Department with tornado above her head, speech bubble says, “Witnesses?”Panel with text reads: the cop failed to mention that my police report would lead to an article in the local paper.Newspaper clipping reads: In a separate incident, a 21 year old Springfield woman told police she had been raped and sodomized by a family member for 7 years. The victim told police the incidents began when she was 11 years old and lived in San Bernardino, Calif. The assaults ended when she moved out of her Springfield home in the 2500 block of South Fort Avenue at the age of 18. Police are searching for a 54 year old man in connection with the occurrences.Of course Duke saw it. He knew it was me.Split panel, one side has light-skinned man with facial hair and square glasses (label says “Duke”) on phone with speech bubble,”I just want you to know that I am so sorry, please don’t do this” On other side of the panel Kayte is on phone.Kayte slamming phone down on a tableSplit panel on one side light-skinned woman with curly hair (label says “Norma”) speech bubble, “He is going to see a counselor. He wants to change. You have to give him a chance! won't you at least talk to him?” On the other side of the panel, Kayte is on the phone.Hand holding a large flower, petals are falling down away from the flower, text reads: as she was speaking, I had a sense of deja vu. Early on, when I was 12 years old, Duke admitted to my mom what he had done to meA drawing of someone in a dress holding a bridal bouquet, standing next to someone in a suit. No faces shown. Text reads: He promised to stop. She believed him and she married him. Now it was happening again. He admitted to being a sexual predator, and norma stayed with him.Text: But this time I had a choice. Speech bubble, “I’m not going to talk to him!”Kayte is on the phone. Speech bubble, “I’m not going to talk to him!”[The color of the drawings has turned back to brown.] Panel with some flowers in the corner, text reads: Today, I'm wondering if Norma chose to donate to those particular charities because she felt guilty. Below, more flowers, text reads: Did my mom feel guilty? She knew he had sexually abused me.Kayte faces the reader. She says, “and yet she stayed.”Kayte leaning back in chair.Kayte facing forward saying, ”I don’t understand that.”Kayte squatting at a grave with flowers in hand, gravestone reads: Betty 1936- (not visible). Text reads: I have never understood that.

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