Published August 28, 2025

Dear Diary

After my mother died, reading her diaries helped me connect with who she was.

“Dear Diary” is drawn in black pen in a whimsical style with lots of visual details. The comic depicts the relationship between the author and her mother at different life stages. Mother is shown as a new young mother caring for the baby author. She also appears in the last years of her life, when author is a middle aged woman now caring for her mother. The women are white Jewish women, the author with curly hair. Panel 1 is the featured image. Panel 2 begins with a caption, “Mom had promised me her diaries years before.” Below is a drawing of the author’s mother as a middle aged woman standing next to the desk from panel 1. A speech bubble reads “I want you to have these, honey bug.”

Panel 3 is captioned “But I did not read them until after she died.” Drawing depicts the author as a woman in her early sixties, seated on a couch reading from a notebook. Additional notebooks are stacked on the couch to the right.

Panel 4 is captioned “She recorded her romance with my father.” Drawing depicts lovers in silhouette within a large heart. The author, in the present in her early sixties, is in the lower right corner with one hand held up to shield her eyes. A caption in parentheses says “I skipped over some passages.”

Panel 5 continues with the caption “her ambivalence about having children,” with the author in the present in close up holding an open notebook, and looking dismayed. A speech bubble reads “OMG I was almost never born!”

Panel 6 continues the caption, saying “...and my birth.” Drawing depicts a smiling young mother in a hospital bed surrounded by stars and clouds, holding the author as a swaddled newborn. A speech bubble reads “Miraculous child, really.”* Asterisk connects to a note in parentheses at the bottom of the panel, “(*Direct quote from diary).”

Panel 7 runs the width of the page and is divided into two images by a jagged line. On the left, the panel begins with a caption, “She wrote about (now) historic events.” The mother, depicted as a young woman in a minidress, reacts with shock to a call on a wall telephone. A caption in cursive quotes her diary, “President Kennedy was assassinated yesterday. 11/23/63.” In the foreground the author as a small child plays with a toy dinosaur while looking at her mother anxiously. Next to her is a speech bubble with a question mark. A caption reads: “I was four but remember that day.” The second part of the panel depicts a silhouette of mother and young daughter watching a 1960s television with rabbit ears. On the tv screen is an abstract depiction of palm trees and soldiers. A pair of captions in cursive quote the diary, “The Vietnam conflict continues – As pointless as ever, and men keep dying and dying. 2/2/67.”

panel 7 part 2

Panel 8 begins with a caption “At 27 years old, just before I turned one, she wrote about her fear of aging.” The drawing depicts a loose leaf notebook with a page written in cursive quoting the diary directly: “March 25, 1960. My morbid fancy has been concentrating on old age and death lately – the falling apart before death which is terrible – the loss of the limbs and the faculties.”

Panel 9 is thickly bordered in black ink. A caption at the top reads, “Given the way things went” with an image of the author in the present at a table with a notebook in front of her, covering her face and crying. Below the image a caption states “that was very hard to read.” An inset contains a small portrait of the author’s mother towards the end of her life, her hands trembling due to Parkinson's disease. Her expression is anxious; a speech bubble reads “Ten?”

Panel 10 begins with a caption, “... and today, five years after her death, still stopped me in my tracks.” Against a deep black background, author is depicted in the present day at her drafting table. A sketchbook containing an unfinished comic is on the table as the author drops her pen and turns a distressed face towards the reader. Speech bubble reads “I’ll come back to this later.”

Panel 11 begins with a caption “The eerie foreshadowing…” On the left, the author in the present day reaches sadly towards the mother in the past. Mother sits hunched dejectedly at a desk writing in a notebook, a crib just visible through a doorway in the background. A bubble in cursive quotes directly from the diary: “How is it to know that one is rapidly becoming a wreckage and a hulk?”

Panel 12 begins with a caption in cursive quoting directly from the diary, “no way to stop it, just a futile hurtling downhill faster and faster.” The panel depicts the mother as a very old woman in a wheelchair, trembling hands clasped in front of her. Medications and a cup of tea are on the table in front of her. A text box with an arrow pointing towards her reads“The future.”

Panel 13 begins with a caption “After rhapsodizing about me in my bath,” followed by a speech bubble in cursive quoting directly from the diary, “She laughs her little head off.” Drawing depicts mother smiling beside a bathtub while pouring water over the author as a laughing, splashing baby. Caption at the bottom of the frame reads “Where did such dark thoughts come from?”

Panel 14 runs the width of the page. The author in the present day is shown in the top left corner. A caption running across the panel reads “I can’t help but think about how she faced that knowledge when it came.” Three insets below depict the very old mother’s reactions: on the left, “Frustration,” as the mother’s shaking hands hold a spoon which spills; in the middle, “Paranoia,” mother gives a furious side-eye as a speech bubble says “Leave those things alone – you’re trying to steal from your sister;” on the right, "Self-defeating querelousness,” with a speech bubble stating “I won’t go for a walk!” while mother closes her eyes and covers her ears, scowling. A walker is visible in the background.

panel 14 part 2

Panel 15 begins with a caption, “And review my experience of her decline.” Drawing looks over present day author’s shoulder to a closed sketchbook and diary on the table.

Panel 16 begins with a caption, “How are you FEELING today?” Panel mimics a Feelings Chart, showing the present day author’s face in images that express four labeled feeling states: Grief, Guilt, Tenderness, and Helplessness.

Panel 17 begins with a caption, “Mental and physical exhaustion.” Author in the present is seated, appears tired and sad with eyes closed, elbows crossed on a table in front of her. Streaks behind her suggestive of rain.

Panel 18 begins with a caption, “Even my caregiving was included in her forecast.” Drawing shows young mother at a desk with chin in hand, notebook and pen in front of her. A crystal ball sits on the desk, labeled with an arrow. A speech bubble in cursive quotes directly from the diary, “I wonder whether Tenli and our other children will be burdened with us.” Baby is playing with a stuffed animal on the floor nearby.

Panel 19 runs the width of the page. On the left, a caption in cursive quotes directly from the diary, “I hope they are smart enough to put us away where we won’t cost much.” In the middle, the author and her sister as adults are seated together on a couch with a diary open in front of them. They are smiling as a speech bubble near the sister says “Well, Mom always was cheap.” On the right is a caption in cursive surrounded by dollar signs. It quotes directly from the diary “Even if we leave them money –”

Panel 19 part 2

Panel 20 runs the width of the page. On the right is a caption in cursive quoting directly from the diary, “Or they marry it.” Underneath the caption the sisters’ shared speech bubble reads “MARRY IT??” in large capitals. The sisters stare at each other dumbfounded. The upper right of the panel depicts the sisters laughing wildly, with “HAHA” in bold lettering around them. A small text box reads “It felt good to laugh.” A caption below that reads “Every time I read that I chuckle.” In the lower right, author is smiling with a speech bubble stating “Marry it. HA! Apparently she was raising a gold digger!” The word “SNRK” appears beside her head.

Panel 20 part 2

Panel 21 begins with a caption, “As it happens, I did not marry money, so it was lucky that my mother had enough to pay for her care when the time came.” Image shows the author carrying a sack of heavy rocks on her back, with a speech bubble saying “OOF!” A second caption next to the image reads “The burden was not financial,”

Panel 22 begins with a caption, “and calling it a burden feels simplistic.” The image depicts the elderly mother raging at the daughter, with flames behind her head. A speech bubble reads “I don’t want them here.” The author is shown next to her cringing and looking sadly at her mother. A caption below her reads “Yes, it was difficult.”

Panel 23 depicts the present day author in bed in the dark, looking worried, with two thought bubbles: “Am I doing right by her?” “Could I be doing more” A caption reads “Mom’s needs weighed on me.”

Panel 24 depicts the author in the present, a worried expression on her face. A speech bubble reads “I knew she took her power where she could….” Above her head the image depicts the elderly mother raging, with two speech bubbles on either side that read “NO!” and “NO NO NO!”.

Panel 25 runs the width of the page. It begins with a caption, “Even though I had a lot of experience with paranoid, angry people, dealing with mom’s delusions was different.” The image depicts the author as a therapist, chin in hand. An arrow points to her with the label “Neutral, always curious, unflappable professional.” At the center of the panel, the elderly mother, hands shaking, is depicted with a speech bubble, saying angrily “Nathan! Your parents are lying dead on the floor and you do nothing??” In the foreground, the author and her young adult son are looking at each other. Smaller text below has an arrow labeling them: “Nathan = my son/her grandson. Parents NOT dead on floor!” Speech bubble above son says “uh…??” The author comforts her son with a thought bubble over head that says “”.

Panel 25 continued

Panel 26 begins with a caption, “The notion of a burden came from the fraught relationship with her own parents & in laws.” Mom as a young woman writing is labeled “scribbling furiously” with an arrow. Two speech bubbles to either side of her quote in cursive directly from the diary, “What miserable wretches they are, all of them. A&ZY” (an asterisks identifies them as “my dad’s folks”), “my parents, and all these other idiots.”

Panel 27 begins with a caption, “We saw evidence of that throughout our childhood.” A speech bubble over mother as a young woman says “I”m not going!” The author’s father beseeches his wife with a speech bubble, “Q….” A label below states “Due shortly at our grandparents’.” In the background, two little girls standing in a doorway share a speech bubble, “Not this again.”

Panel 28 begins with a caption, “Years later, she and her mother engaged in a titanic power struggle over the move to assisted living.” An elderly woman labeled “1997, our grama,” says in two speech bubbles “What is this place?? I refuse to live here!” The author’s mother in middle age says “You have no choice, Ma.” The scene is surrounded by storm clouds and lightning,

Panel 29 has an image of the mother with a speech bubble that reads “You won’t have to worry about that with me, I like being taken care of.” To the right, the two adult sisters look at each other with a shared speech bubble saying “Hmmm….”

Panel 30 runs the width of the page. A caption reads “In fact, she raged at me for years.” Elderly mother is shown surrounded by flames, raging with hands up and mouth agape. To her left, the author is depicted cowering under what is labeled “fireproof blanket.” A caption over the right side of the panel reads “Until her condition overtook her resistance.” Image shows the sick, elderly mother sleeping in her recliner, clutching an animal with the label “Purr-cell, Robotic Cat.” The author leans over her mother with a compassionate expression.

Panel 30 continued

Panel 31 depicts the young mother leaning over her sleeping baby and smiling. It begins with a caption, “In 1960, Mom had written:” A speech bubble quotes in cursive directly from the diary: “We are born vegetables – gradually we become human.”

Panel 32 continues with a speech bubble in cursive quoting directly from the diary,” Then we lose our humanity and again we are vegetables.” The image depicts the mother looking downcast while writing in a notebook. To the right the author as an adult is shown leaning over the dying mother’s hospital bed looking sad.

Panel 33 begins with a caption, “I read her words after having lived through her decline and death.” The image is of the infirm, elderly mother in her recliner crying “Help!” in a speech bubble. A text box with an arrow pointing towards her reads “Increasingly childlike and dependent.” The author is next to her with a speech bubble that reads “I’m here Mom.”

Panel 34 is captioned, “ They reminded me of how helpless we both were, and I was heartsick at the memory of suffering.” The author is shown crying as she reads the diary.

Panel 35 runs the width of the page. A caption says “On a visit with her in May of 2018, five months before she died, I wrote in my daily sketchbook: Day after day, life goes on around Mom – like she’s an island in the middle of a stream.” The image shows the mother lying prone on her reclined chair, floating on a turbulent, splashing torrent. An arrow-shaped sign nearby points to an unknown destination.

Panel 35 continued

Panel 36 begins with a caption, “She slept a lot, and needed personal care. She was mostly focused on her internal experience. Like a baby.” Image depicts elderly mother in her recliner, eyes closed, mouth wide.

Panel 37 begins with a caption, “Had her meditations on the end of life come from caring for a baby?” Image shows young mother feeding a bottle to a baby on her lap. A thought bubble contains the image of a carrot. An arrow points to the baby with text that says “Vegetable Tenli.”

Panel 38 runs the width of the page. At the top left the caption reads “She was a published poet, an avid reader, and an intellectual. After I was born, she struggled with” and continues in cursive with a direct quote from the diary, “lack of purpose, feelings of boredom; I feel as if I ought to DO something.” To the right the young mother sits at a desk with a notebook and pen in front of her, rocking a bassinet containing sleeping baby with her right hand. A speech bubble above her quotes in cursive directly from the diary, “I still think of myself as a writer.”

Panel 38 continued

Panel 39 runs the width of the page. A caption on the left reads “The diary records extensively her thoughts on GB Shaw and Jane Austen, and her progress through all seven volumes of Proust’s Remembrance of Things Past.” The caption continues on the right over an image of the mother blowing bubbles for a laughing baby, stating “It also contains her worry that it is” (direct quote from diary in cursive) ‘turning into a mere chronicle’ “of her life with me.” Another direct quote in cursive from the diary continues, “Tenli has the most delightful laugh.” Below, the mother sits with her notebook and a look of distress. A speech bubble contains a direct quote in cursive from the diary: “Do I even have any ideas?”

Panel 39 continued

Panel 40 runs the width of the page. It begins with a caption, “In that era of iconic housewives, Kuni was no June Cleaver.” On the left is an old school television, whose screen displays a caricature of an old fashioned housewife posing in her apron with a fresh baked pie. On the right, a bohemian looking mother in jeans sits next to a bookshelf and holds a book.

Panel 40 continued

Panel 41 shows the author in the present day looking directly at the reader with hands raised in exasperation. A speech bubble states “But who is, for crying out loud?? An asterisk connects to a note below stating, “A phrase mom often used.”

Panel 42 begins with a caption, “As Betty Friedan famously wrote:” A book lies open below, labeled “The Feminine Mystique, 1963.” A quote reads “Each suburban wife struggles with it alone…. She was afraid to ask even of herself – Is this all?”

Panel 43 begins with a caption, “I remembered my own trip through the motherhood looking glass…” The image shows the author as a young, confident woman in sunglasses. She is labeled “The me I knew.” She looks into a mirror in which the same woman is wearing a bathrobe and holding a baby. The second image is labeled “Who is this?”

Panel 44 begins with a caption, “Not that much had changed in 30 years.” The author as a young mother nurses a baby and sighs while watching a television labeled “Thirtysomething.” A caption below reads “Hope expressed more angst but was still the perfect Mom.”

Panel 45 shows the present day author in close up, drawing with a pensive expression. Caption reads “As close as we were, we had never talked about this subject.”

Panel 46 begins with a caption, “In her diary, I found familiar experiences.” Images labeled “Boredom,” “Frustration,” and “Exhaustion” are illustrated with images of mother and the author as young mothers, yawning, hitting their foreheads, and melting with fatigue.

Panel 47 begins with a caption, “And also: joy, hope, love.” Drawing depicts young mother writing in her diary looking dreamy. A speech bubble contains a direct quote in cursive from the diary: “I wonder if my little Tenli will have such bright and happy eyes when she is 10 or 20 or 30 as she does now. I hope so – somehow I feel that she deserves everything.”

Panel 48 begins with a caption, “The things she wrote about decline and death stood out to me because I knew what was coming. A close up of dying mother in a hospital bed is labeled with an arrow, “Based on actual deathbed sketch.”

Panel 49 begins with a caption, “But 60 years earlier, on a random day, she did not – which is how it should be.” Drawing depicts the young mother in bed cuddling the baby as they smile at each other.

Panel 50 is the final image of the comic. The two generations, mother and daughter, are seen from behind, with the young mother holding the author as a baby on her hip. The author in the present stands in the center of the image, with her left hand on her young mother’s back and her right hand around the shoulders of her elderly mother, who is seated in a wheelchair. The group faces a mysterious cave, streaming with light. A caption curves over the entrance of the cave: “What comes next?”

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