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Published July 24, 2024

Send it!

Or: how we learned to stop worrying and love the cold email.
An email window, with 'new message' written in the top bar. The message is to 'a cool guy' and from 'aservice' and 'amcnamee.' The message's subject is 'Send it. Or, how we learned to stop worrying and love the cold email.' Audra and Allia peer at a laptop screen, looking anxious and alert. Audra has circular glasses and long curly hair, Allia has long straight hair and bangs.
'You should email cool people! People we've emailed:' 'Ursula K. Le Guin's official biographer.' A young short-haired Audra curls over a computer screen, stressing. 'So! Many! Librarians!' Several Allias type at several computers. 'Preeminent psychedelic researcher' Audra stands at a desktop computer, typing frantically.
'A successful YouTuber,' Audra sits on the ground surrounded by art supplies. They say, 'I would draw pictures for you.' 'Your parent's friend's uncle who owns a bakery,' Allia holds a computer in one hand, typing with the other, 'is this nepotism.' 'People who have emailed us,' four faces with different hair, of different ages: 'so many librarians.' A short haired person surrounded by small booklets, 'zine makers!'
How to send an email. Step 0: (written on a scrap of lined notebook paper taped onto the page) Use the Wayback Machine to find an email address on a 10 year old website. Audra: not at all like a creep. Step 1: Write your email. Allia: more on this later. Step 2: Force roommate/coworker/mom to edit your email. Audra: You're out at dinner? That's nice. I have an email to read you.
Step 3: Reread email 3-23x. Three images of Allia rereading her email. Step 4: Send. Allia presses the button to send the email and it whooshes away. Step 5: Dread. The text is written in wiggly letters. Step 6: Receive reply 10x more delightful than expected. The letters break through the fog of dread. Step 7: Dread. Step 8: Respond. Allia and Audra frown. Reach out if you know a better process!
Audra holds a sign, 'Writing a quality cold email.' Allia stands behind a line of people with different faces and hair, all wearing the same dark uniform with a name badge, 'Explain why you want to talk to them, and not another person with the same job. And express excitement about something they care about.'
'Have a specific ask:' Audra: 'Are you free for a 30 minute call sometime in the next three weeks?' Allia and Audra look out at the reader, with serious eyebrows and smiles. 'And finally, keep it short.'
A warning sign: 'zine side effects may include receiving more emails.' A tiny frowny face is drawn at the top of the sign. Date: May 2024. @allia_makes & @audmcname.

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