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Published July 17, 2025

Character Bleed

Creating characters for role-playing games like Dungeons & Dragons helped me realize I'm trans.
January 2011, 8th grade. Forum user: “So have you been roleplaying for awhile?” Junnie, on a forum: “Oh totally! Ever since middle school, I was obsessed with forums.” Forum user: “Oh cool! How’ve you been handling bleed?”Junnie, on a forum: “What do you mean, bleed?” November 2014, high school senior. Junnie: “Sorry, what were we talking about?” High school friend: “D&D, dude! We’re gonna start playing Friday. Remember?” Forum user: “I mean character bleed! It’s when you and your character start feeling the same things. So their made-up emotions start feeling like yours.”“We’re just gonna use premade characters for now, so we can get right into it. You’re gonna be playing a dwarf cleric.” Junnie: “Wait, what’s a cleric? Isn’t that like a nun?” High school friend: “I mean you praise a god to get magic…so yeah, I guess you’re kind of a nun. A magic nun.” Junnie: “Okay, so like…can I play as a girl?” Forum user: “It can be bad sometimes, like when someone does something cruel to your character”High school friend, mockingly: “Sure, but only if you do a girl voice!” Forum user: “So when they’re in pain…you’re in pain.”August 2015, college freshman College friend: “Oh hey, what’s up? We’re the battle games association. We’re basically the school’s LARPing club!” Junnie: “Larping…?” College friend: “Yeah, it means live action roleplay, it’s like Dungeons and Dragons, but in real life!”Junnie, on forum: “That sounds insanely unhealthy.” Junnie doodles their LARP character in class, who has a crown and wings. Their attributes are labeled: King of the Fae, wears skirts, no gender?College friend: “Hey, you still need a LARP outfit, right? Then let’s grab a bus, we’re going thrifting for garb!” Forum user: “Well it can be, but it’s not always bad.” Junnie and their college friend enter a thrift store, a rack of women’s skirts are sold for $1.50 apiece.Forum user: “It can be intimate, finding new sides of yourself.”December 2016, college sophomore College friend: “It’s called “World of Darkness” and it’s like a bunch of different games all in the same universe. It has magicians, vampires, werewolves, I think you would like it. It’s not just about fighting. It’s about internal struggles and drama. It’s a lot more personal, y’know?”College friend: “Check it out, this is one of the mages, and this is one of the vampires.” Junnie: “Wow, they’re both beautiful…so I could play as a girl?” College friend: “Yeah, of course you can!”Junnie: “What about a trans girl?” Forum user: “It can be a way to process feelings.” May 2019 Friend: “Hey, so remind me what kind of character you’re playing?”Junnie: “Her name’s Clover, she’s a changeling bard. She’s a runaway princess, who wants to explore on her own, without being forced into the role her father expects of her. Sometimes she shifts into a boy, when it feels right. I guess she just wants freedom.” Forum user: “And when the lines start blurring, it all starts to connect.”May 2022 LARP storyteller, in an online message: “Hey there, this sounds like an awesome character concept, we’d love to have more Malkavians in Columbus! Off the top of your head, do you have any ideas for their name?” Junnie: “You seem like a… Lavender”Junnie, on forum: “You make it sound like some kind of therapy.” Forum user: “No, therapy is therapy and roleplay is roleplay. It’s a game of pretend, but pretending doesn’t come from nowhere. You put a little bit of yourself into every character you make, sometimes you just don’t know which part until they come to life.”August 2022 Lavender: “Good evening Milton, how’s the gathering been going?” Milton: “Lavender, we need to have a conversation. It’s about your behavior as of late.” Lavender rolls their eyes.Lavender: “I haven’t…you don’t…I don’t have to explain myself to you…” Milton: “Lavender, you yourself said kindred who act as if they’re always a victim are useless! You can’t keep acting like this! I’m your coterie mate, your friend, I’m owed an explanation!” Lavender: “Well maybe I don’t want to sound like a victim, even if I am one! Maybe I’m in pain, Milton! My entire life, I hated the person I was, I hated my life, and dreamed of something bigger. Something better, something past all the awfulness. And then it was stolen from me! I’m stuck Milton, stuck as this. Stuck in a body that will never change!”Lavender: “I only realized who I was after I was embraced, Milton. And now I wake up every night with a five o'clock shadow, and a reflection I can’t stand!” Junnie on forum: “I think I understand. Sometimes there’s things inside us we didn’t know about, and this can be how we find them.”Milton: “Lavender, immortality comes with a price. I would know. Such is the curse of clan Nosferatu. You have suffered endless pain, but you are not alone. You’ve become something beautiful. You are not a victim, Lavender. You are a survivor.” Milton (out of character): “Oh my god, holly shit! I’ve just gotta say this out of character, that was so good, an amazing scene! Junnie: “Hahaha, well…you know how it just comes out of you sometimes.”Junnie: “Great game tonight guys, get home safe!” Junnie sighs, then smiles. Forum user: “They might be pretend, but our characters can give us something, even if we don’t expect it.”I guess we're all still bleeding.

This is an original comic created through Crucial's volunteer editing program. It was edited by Mattie Lubchansky and Maki Naro.

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